Wednesday, March 5, 2008

The Magic of Lord Elrod

I just read that Gary Gygax, the co-creator of the role-playing game Dungeons and Dragons died yesterday. (Apparently, he did NOT make the saving throw). Across the country, hundreds of thousands emerged from their moms’ basements to fly medieval flags at half-mast. As an homage to Mr. Gygax, I present the following true story….

From the House of Rivendell, err…Representatives…comes Lord Elrod. He conquers seemingly invulnerable Democratic dragons with his silver tongue, visibly worn shoe leathermail, and his + 4 % (within the margin of error) cloak of electability.

Now, within the land of Midcentral Indiana lived a good sorceress, Queen Julia, and she was beloved by her people. Alas, age came and as Queen Julia lie on her deathbed, she bequeathed her kingdom to her grandson, Juggernaut. With his sergeant at arms, Sir Lacylot Johnson, Juggernaut sought to continue the benevolence of the beloved Queen Julia.

Lord Elrod, however, thought that Queen Julia’s kingdom had grown corrupt, and he opposed Juggernaut’s plan to increase the levy on nobles’ lands to pay for increased serfs’ wages.

Lord Elrod and Juggernaut accepted an offer from the overlords of IUPUI, and the two engaged in an epic battle in the coliseum on the eve of March 6, in the year of our Lord 2008.

Lord Elrod saw immediately that Juggernaut was cursed by the Endorsement of Farrakhan. Lord Elrod, accordingly, swung his Wedge of Irrational Fears. Juggernaut was toppled, but he regained his balance and countered with his +$350,000 broadsword of bought media. Lord Elrod cried foul, as Juggernaut’s weaponry had been financed, not by individual peasants, but rather from organizations outside of Midcentral, such as the International Brotherhood of Catapult Builders.

Who will win this clash of the titans? Stay tuned…


1 comment:

varangianguard said...

I see that you're one of those PC's who believe Charisma to be a "throwaway" stat.

"Epic battle"? Not in this world. ;)