Affair Etiquette 101

Rule number 1 in affair having. Never, ever....neva eva?!?! Yes, NEVER EVER...refer to your "sick daughter" in a police report when you didn't HAVE that daughter with your wife.

Rule number 2 in affair having. DON'T have your mistress bail you out of jail. Call your wife instead.

I can't make this stuff up. From CNN:

"A New York congressman who admitted to fathering a child out of wedlock with a woman who bailed him out of jail on a drunk driving charge this month announced Monday that he will not run for re-election.

Vito Fossella is the 30th Republican to announce he would not seek re-election to the U.S. House of Representatives.

Now HERE is the unbelievable part. Read this quote:

"This choice was an extremely difficult one, balanced between my dedication to service to our great nation and the need to concentrate on healing the wounds that I have caused to my wife and family," Rep. Vito Fossella, a six-term Republican, said in a written statement.

THIS WAS A DIFFICULT CHOICE? YOU GOT A DUI AND HAD A CHILD OUT OF WEDLOCK AFTER LYING TO POLICE AND THEN BLAMING YOUR INTOXICATION ON THE NY GIANTS, YOU DOLT!

Ladies and gentleman, this is the unbelievable legacy of having a scandal-plagued society, and yes, I'm including you Bill Clinton. Because the media actually reports these scandals now, we have a deluge of them, and they now seem "normal."

Consequently, people who have NO BUSINESS running for office still think they can. They ALL think you go on camera and do a mea culpa, and you get the big old can of forgiveness that allows you to go on. A lot of us our Christians with "forgiveness in our hearts," but this is not how it works. You might get the forgiveness (unless your Clinton, in which case the Christians will hold a grudge for the rest of your life), but then you better exit stage left to work on yourself.

I promise you, Elliott Spitzer had a discussion with someone somewhere about how he might stay in office until enough people politely asked him, "Are you out of your mind, you arrogant jackass!?!? You're going to kill the party!"

Here are the remaining details of Mr. Fossella's trangressions:

Fossella's sudden downfall (nice phrase, CNN!) began soon after midnight on May 1, when he ran a red light in Alexandria, Virginia and was stopped by police. A breath test put his blood-alcohol level at 0.17 percent, more than double the state's legal limit, according to his arrest report.

The congressman apologized the next day for what he said was "an error in judgment."
A week later, the 43-year-old, married Fossella was apologizing again to his family and constituents because of his secret extramarital affair with Laura Fay.

It became public because the police report said Fossella told the arresting officer he was going to visit a sick daughter when he was stopped, identifying Fay's street as his destination.

Fossella told reporters after his arrest that he had been celebrating the Super Bowl champion New York Giants' appearance at the White House with constituents.

This is my favorite part of the whole story. Wasn't the Super Bowl in January? Exactly how many months after that actual Super Bowl can you use the whole "celebrating with constituents" excuse for being hammered? His district IS Long Island, which has an alcoholic iced tea named after it.

Sorry, that's no excuse. What an idiot.

Affair Etiquette 101